Should children go to funerals?

Should Children Attend a Funeral?

As funeral directors, one of the most common questions we hear from families is: “Should my child come to the funeral?”
It’s an understandable concern — parents want to protect their children from pain, but also help them understand what’s happening in a healthy, meaningful way.

The truth is, there’s no universal answer — every child, every family, and every loss isdifferent. What matters most is choice, preparation, and support.

The Role of Rituals in Grief

Funeralsare more than ceremonies; they are vital rituals that help us process loss,share memories, and begin healing together. Children, too, benefit fromparticipating in these shared goodbyes. Experts in child bereavement emphasise that including children helps them grasp the reality of death and prevents confusion or fear born from being left out of family grief.

When children are excluded “to protect them,” it can sometimes do the opposite —leaving them feeling isolated or bewildered about what happened.

Give Children the Choice — and the Tools

Children should never be forced to attend a funeral,but they should be given the option. Explain in gentle,honest language what they might see and hear — people crying, a coffin, moments of silence — and that all emotions, even not knowing what to feel, are completely okay.

If theydecide to attend, make sure a trusted adult stays close — someone who can answer questions, hold a hand, or step outside for a moment if things feel overwhelming. This helps them feel safe and supported throughout the ceremony.

Creating Meaningful Roles

Offeringsimple roles can help children feel part of the farewell:

• Placing a flower or a drawing on the coffin
• Reading a poem or short message
• Lighting a candle
• Sitting with family and listening quietly
• Being part of the funeral arrangements for example help to design the Order of Service, what colour to wear.

These small gestures give children an active way to express love and say goodbye. Funeral directors can help guide families in creating these moments so that they feel natural and personal.

‍How We Can Do Things Differently

Being a woman led funeral services, we look at the holistic approach of family life and death. Our funeral home is not dark or sombre by design, and have a basket full of toys if children accompany their parents into our funeral home.

We even hire a box of toys that we can take with us to the funeral so that children may go to if they need space and distraction during the funeral.

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We've even sung songs in our limousine that the younger children enjoyed, and the teenagers have appreciated listening to music.

If we know there will be children attending, we will always go and chat to them at the funeral to help them relate to us, and to show them they are seen and heard.

"Ive had children walk beside me as I have paged in front of our hearse; one of them was over the moon to carry my funeral cane in honour of their loved one" - Amanda-Louise

As lady funeral directors, we have even had one teenager decide which hat style our funeral director was going to wear on the day of the funeral.  And as Amanda-Louise is trained in bereavement counselling, she has often spent time with children of various ages with them participating in art therapy to help them talk about their grief.  

“Parents need to consider that children will grieve differently from adults and they do it at different times too. For example they often show signs 6 months afterwards as up to this point they are watching the adults around them who are upset, and don’t want to upset them anymore so they keep quiet. Then over time, the children sometimes don’t know how to express their feelings and can act differently and parents think they are being naughty, which is not the case.” –Amanda-Louise

We can help you with a personalised memory box for the children to keep. They can then put their favourite items of remembrance in that box, and pictures too.

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When Attending Feels Too Hard

Sometimes,children — especially very young ones — may find the setting too emotional or confusing. In those cases, an alternative ritual can be just as meaningful. Visiting the grave later, lighting a candle at home, creating a memory box, or drawing a picture for the person who has died can all help children express their grief and feel connected.

Some funeral homes, such as ours, even offer special “safe rooms” where children can play, draw, or talk about what’s happening in a more relaxed environment. This approach helps them understand that a funeral home isn’t a scary place — it’s a space for love, memory, and togetherness.

Our Perspective

From ourexperience, allowing children the opportunity to be part of a funeral — in whatever way feels right for them — supports their understanding of loss and reinforces the importance of family and shared emotion.

The key is preparation, support, and respect for each child’s wishes. With compassionate guidance, funerals can become powerful experiences for young people, helping them learn about love, loss, and remembrance in a safe and human way.

The key isto let the child decide, and to talk to them in plain speak ie not to say “Nanny has gone to sleep” as the child will just think, well wake them up then, or you may find the child doesn’t want to go to sleep.

As caring lady funeral directors, we hope you have found ourarticle helpful.  We believe by involving children, you are enabling them to learn about death and dying and giving them the tools and techniques how to respond to death as they grow older.

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